When I was a teenager, I received a blessing by a Patriarch in my church. It was one I was supposed to keep forever, to read and look back on. I wish all 15-years-old girls could hear the words I heard in that blessing. It told me I was special, and had an incredible path ahead of me, and that I was going to make a beautiful difference for good in the world. It told me I had a good mind, and to trust my inner promptings when making my life decisions … It told me I would be cherished.
In this time of change, I lean on it once again. It tells me that God knows me, and that He wants all the good things of life for me, and that I will become closer to Him if I share what I am grateful for, and what my desires are.
Last night, while in bed, I wrote some down …
A prayer of gratitude and desire:
Thank you for my warmth in this bed. For life experiences that have given me bigger and brighter eyes than I would have ever dreamt of having.
Thank you for my adventurous spirit and happiness. Thank you for the gift of feeling deeply--even with the pain that comes with it. It allows me to taste life in its array of flavors, people, places, and most importantly: hearts.
Thank you for a job I love. I am grateful that it is creative and different every day; that it is exciting, and chaotic.
Thank you for friends. Thanks you for the girlfriends I have found throughout my life. As a woman who loves deeply--my friendships carry me, and give me the energy to continue forward and feel safe. They always have. Thank you for the friends you have given me in this journey.
Thank you for love-- come and gone. For love that is difficult, too. Also, for love that shifts and evolves, but remains. Thank you for giving me the ability to love many, and for many who have loved me. Love can be messy and tricky, but without it --there isn’t life.
Thank you for my faith. Thank you for the examples, the stories, the lessons, the travels, and for my family and heritage that have helped me form a close relationship with you--Deity. Thank you for your empathy and love. Thank you for Christ’s greatest lesson: Loving our neighbors. Thank you for allowing me to be born in a time when the whole world is a neighbor--Where we can travel, and communicate, and learn about our world, and all our neighbors, like never before. Help me to know, understand, and love every neighbor.
Thank you for freedom—for me and for others. With control, I’m only limited to my own vision, thoughts, and ideas … and I am so grateful I am free. Help me to allow all others to be free.
God, I desire to find a solid and continuous love and support system. I desire to create a beautiful family unit that acts as a haven from the world. Help me to feel adored, safe, and appreciated within. I desire relationships that I can put above everything else in my life.
I desire to continue my journalism career, and make a difference. ... maybe dab in acting, or writing a book. I would love to start a non-profit. Help me to always love my job; that it might be a creative outlet.
I desire a support system and lover who cherishes my creativity and spark. Who loves my emotion. Who loves my experiences--good and bad. Who will love my core: my heart, my soul, my mind—unconditionally.
I desire time. Time to write, to make a good living, to start that non profit, to consider grad school options. Time to be a good friend, to live in a big city. To begin family life. To teach my children about faith without fear.
... and help me teach them how to love.
Allow me to be feminine, but strong. To be soft, but firm in what I know I want.
…and then I fell asleep.