just thinking ...

There are things we know.
There are things we know we don't know. (How to get around The Angeles, CA is a timely example.)
And then there are things we don't know we don't know.

Number three, I believe, opens doors.

When I was in Korea in January, I watched my little sister keep hanging up her cell phone on Chong-Ja (the woman we were staying with, who Ella lived with as a child in Seoul).

At first, because I didn't understand Korean, I figured I was missing when my sister would say goodbye. Ella would call Chong-Ja up to ask a question, and then: click.  She'd hang up.

Finally, I asked: "Ella, are you being rude to Chong-Ja?"

"No, Korean's don't say goodbye on the phone. They ask the question, or say something, and then they hang up."

What? Not everyone says goodbye in a civilized country with cell coverage?!?

I started calling Chong-Ja, to tell her when we'd be home for dinner, or where we would be going. She would said: "Okay" ... and then click.  If Ella had another question, she'd call her back.

I was amazed. This was something I didn't know I didn't know, that in some cultures, goodbye on the phone just wasn't.


And really, it was kind of brilliant. Texting has taken over, I believe, because we don't have to worry about formalities. We don't have to say: Hello, how are you, and goodbye. It's to the point, and efficient--like a Korean phone call.

Until my visit to Korea I didn't even know that I didn't know that outside of my world, saying goodbye wasn't mandatory. I didn't know that there was a place you could hang up on someone, and it wasn't rude. It hadn't crossed my mind as a possibility.

Since knowing this, I now can appreciate America's formalities. They are a part of my culture, my growing up, how I was raised, and my core values. When talking on the phone, I can be grateful that my friend asks how I am. I realize I have a choice to say goodbye, or just hang up, and that I choose to say goodbye, and I appreciate my friends who do the same. 

I didn't appreciate this before knowing it was unique to where I was from.

When we are children, things we don't know we don't know are our entire world. We're constantly learning. We're a sponge. We're seeing the world, and picking up the pieces, forming what we know, and realizing what we don't know.  It becomes how we process our world, and it forms our ideas and opinions.

When we get older, those habits, ideas, and thought processes become more solidified, and we're not as open to things we don't know we don't know. They become harder to learn. We become stubborn.  At least our mind does, without even knowing it is happening. It's probably why comedians aren't as fresh and hilarious as they get older (just follow Steve Martin on Twitter, and you'll know what I mean), Or why I feel it's too late for me to learn French. (...I know, I know, it's never too late. But it does get harder the longer I wait!) It's probably why people are their most creative before the age of 40. ( at least, according to Trey Parker, and Matt Stone). Our minds aren't as open to learning things we don't know we don't know as we naturally get set in our ways.

These are all just thoughts going through my mind, and I'm trying to figure out how I can be more open to things I don't know I don't know. I am already open to learning things I know I don't know--I desire to be continually learning, and I do want to know every state capitol sooner than later, and how to get around this new city a bit easier. I know that I don't know how to oil paint, and I'd love to learn.  But what about the things I don't know I don't know - How can I learn those things?

I believe there are things we don't know we don't know that will benefit our lives greatly, but we just don't know how to figure out what they are. Things we don't know we don't know can help us be more secure, happier, be more proud of ourselves, help us better our relationships, form healthier habits, rid us of addictions, be more patient, make us more grateful, help us understand what we do know better, make us more compassionate, allows us to communicate more openly, make us stronger  .... 

There is a quote I have always loved by Ralph Waldo Emerson: "A chief event of life is the day in which we have encountered a mind that startled us."

I love it, because I think that this is exactly what happens when we discover things we didn't know we didn't know. And to acknowledge and accept things we didn't know we didn't know can also make us more humble, as we realize there is so much to learn ...

I wish I could have some great big conclusion to this, to tell you now that I am going to go learn all those things I didn't know I didn't know, but the irony is I don't know what they are. But what I can do is say that I am going to be more open, and more humble, realizing that if I allow my opinions to be open and malleable, my mind to be aware, and my eyes to pay attention, I can keep my mind more childlike, discover a mind that startles me, and watch doors open.

I'll also try to keep wondering without googling. So far, not good. So far, really bad, if I'm going to be honest.

Lastly, here are some cell phone shots of this years trip to Korea ... A place  where I learned so much, and made memories with my sister that I will never forget.

I'll try to post a few more tomorrow.

Ella and me in Chong-Ja's Apartment.

Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, every day, at Chong-Ja's

Chong-Ja. She loves cooking. I love eating. We got along great.

dressed and ready for her 2-hour trip to church (she cooks the night before, and brings sushi for the nursery children). With 3 hours of church, and 4 hours of total travel, it's a full day. (For church-goers, makes you grateful, doesn't it?)

Some of Chong-Ja's art. She is an incredible artist, and it's actually how she met my sister Ella. Ella was 5-years-old, playing outside a restaurant, and Chong-Ja started painting her. When Chong-Ja realized Ella needed a home, she moved in.

Chong-Ja's sketches of people she sees in the subway

Ella at the Korean History Museum in Seoul

Sisters at the Museum

Korean Face Masks while Face Timing with Benjamin

Friday Night, Gangnam Style. For reals.

Chong-Ja's Kitchen

loved the architecture of Seoul's museum

evening tea. It had pine nuts in it. so delicious.

We have street tacos. They have street fish cakes.  yum.

Ella and Chong-Ja

Smart phones need rules.

I read this months ago. It was all over the news. What a great mom. I had to throw it out here today, because I constantly try to remember Rule #17: "Wonder without Googling."
Just over a decade ago when we wondered, we had to look at an outdated encyclopedia, head to the library, or stare out a window. (and window gazing didn't call for Ritalin).

Remember when you were a kid, and you had to ask your parents for answers? They seemed all-knowing. ha!  Now kids just go ask their phones. yikes. What does this mean?? [She says as she resists googling for the answer/research study].

Here's to a week of not Googling! (I'm serious! I'm going to try. Sure, it means Bing too, but like he's ever any help. Bing's a joke.  Similar to Crystal Pepsi. Remember Crystal Pepsi? ... exactly. )

Mom's rules to her 13-year-old son who got a cell phone for Christmas last year:

Dear Gregory

Merry Christmas! You are now the proud owner of an iPhone. Hot Damn! You are a good & responsible 13 year old boy and you deserve this gift. But with the acceptance of this present comes rules and regulations. Please read through the following contract. I hope that you understand it is my job to raise you into a well rounded, healthy young man that can function in the world and coexist with technology, not be ruled by it. Failure to comply with the following list will result in termination of your iPhone ownership.

I love you madly & look forward to sharing several million text messages with you in the days to come.

1. It is my phone. I bought it. I pay for it. I am loaning it to you. Aren’t I the greatest?

2. I will always know the password.

3. If it rings, answer it. It is a phone. Say hello, use your manners. Do not ever ignore a phone call if the screen reads “Mom” or “Dad”. Not ever.

4. Hand the phone to one of your parents promptly at 7:30pm every school night & every weekend night at 9:00pm. It will be shut off for the night and turned on again at 7:30am. If you would not make a call to someone’s land line, wherein their parents may answer first, then do not call or text. Listen to those instincts and respect other families like we would like to be respected.

5. It does not go to school with you. Have a conversation with the people you text in person. It’s a life skill. *Half days, field trips and after school activities will require special consideration.

6. If it falls into the toilet, smashes on the ground, or vanishes into thin air, you are responsible for the replacement costs or repairs. Mow a lawn, babysit, stash some birthday money. It will happen, you should be prepared.

7. Do not use this technology to lie, fool, or deceive another human being. Do not involve yourself in conversations that are hurtful to others. Be a good friend first or stay the hell out of the crossfire.

8. Do not text, email, or say anything through this device you would not say in person.

9. Do not text, email, or say anything to someone that you would not say out loud with their parents in the room. Censor yourself.

10. No porn. Search the web for information you would openly share with me. If you have a question about anything, ask a person ? preferably me or your father.

11. Turn it off, silence it, put it away in public. Especially in a restaurant, at the movies, or while speaking with another human being. You are not a rude person; do not allow the iPhone to change that.

12. Do not send or receive pictures of your private parts or anyone else’s private parts. Don’t laugh. Someday you will be tempted to do this despite your high intelligence. It is risky and could ruin your teenage/college/adult life. It is always a bad idea. Cyberspace is vast and more powerful than you. And it is hard to make anything of this magnitude disappear — including a bad reputation.

13. Don’t take a zillion pictures and videos. There is no need to document everything. Live your experiences. They will be stored in your memory for eternity.

14. Leave your phone home sometimes and feel safe and secure in that decision. It is not alive or an extension of you. Learn to live without it. Be bigger and more powerful than FOMO — fear of missing out.

15. Download music that is new or classic or different than the millions of your peers that listen to the same exact stuff. Your generation has access to music like never before in history. Take advantage of that gift. Expand your horizons.

16. Play a game with words or puzzles or brain teasers every now and then.

17. Keep your eyes up. See the world happening around you. Stare out a window. Listen to the birds. Take a walk. Talk to a stranger. Wonder without googling.

18. You will mess up. I will take away your phone. We will sit down and talk about it. We will start over again. You & I, we are always learning. I am on your team. We are in this together.

It is my hope that you can agree to these terms. Most of the lessons listed here do not just apply to the iPhone, but to life. You are growing up in a fast and ever changing world. It is exciting and enticing. Keep it simple every chance you get. Trust your powerful mind and giant heart above any machine. I love you. I hope you enjoy your awesome new iPhone. Merry Christmas!

xoxoxo

Mom

Memory Monday: This month, at the First Friday Art Walk. I took someone's pic. they asked if they could take mine. Sure! Then a whole bunch of Passer-bys were making the photo snapping impossible, walking all in front of the camera like they owned the sidewalk. Another good samaritan saw the problem and told us she was gonna stop traffic for us. Did she ever!  You can see her there in the orange scarf.

So, although the food trucks were delicious, this moment was the reason for the smile. Gotta love a group effort.

a few pics from last months Island living ....

why not post a few? I'm on a roll.

Still at the library, just switched from my study room to a table that I share with man and his congestion problems. He gave me the nod.

It's similar to getting on an airplane, and discovering who your armrest-sharing buddy is. Then one of three things happens.  A) They pretend they're already asleep when you take a seat which excuses them from adjusting their arm,  or moving their leg from your rightful leg space. B) They give the nod, adjust, and call it good. Or C) They give the nod, the intro, the reason they're flying and offer to buy you a drink. The third one means: don't pull your book out. You've got a 3-hour conversation ahead of you.

I don't mind option C. I  prefer option B these days.  Option A blows.

Luckily, on the flight to Hawaii, I had the best kind of armrest-sharing buddy. The kind that lets you use his shoulder as a pillow. It was a wonderful week. Thanks B. 

engaged.married.honeymooned.moved.breathing.regrouping.

I read a finance book 5 years ago that suggested if you want to  be productive, imagine you are going on vacation for a week, the following week, and watch how you make so much happen in your life. I am a big believer of this theory.

so if you really want to get a lot done, imagine you are going on a 9-day vacation, AND moving to a different state. Learn how much sleep you really don't need.

If you want to get even more done, but also disappear and go dancing with the stars (literal ones--the kind you gaze at while camping),  only to be reincarnated with PTSD symptoms, prepare for a 9-day vacation, a move to a different state, AND plan a wedding for 500 people. It's your own wedding, so also prepare to go from single to marital status--your tax filing never to be the same again.

I'm in the reincarnated/carb-eating phase. (this 2-day-old sesame seed bagel chews like cement, but tastes like bacon.)

Wedding was bliss. I'm a married woman! It's a story, plus a few more. It really was beyond my dreams--the planning and prep all worth it. The man even more worth it.  but there won't really be a full "catching up" that will happen. I'll never blog again if I think of only catching up. Let's focus on moving forward. (And thank you cards. Oh my, thank you cards. I am so grateful. This could take months of explaining just how grateful I am to so many).

... mmmmm, this bagel.

Thus here I am, in the Santa Monica Library, in my reserved study room, which is my office for the two hours a day I claim it, and home away from my studio apartment. I'm working on news releases, and thought I'd give my little blog a little shout out.

 I'mma wearing a ring on my leftie digit,  I go running on the boardwalk (!), and I have some pigmentation problems that showed up from 7 fabulous honeymooning days in Hawaii. Google refers to it as Melasma.  It looks like poop. Other than that,  I'm here,  it's me. I'm regrouping. Soon I'll be regroupED. tomorrow night--a positive thinking seminar with Monique. Oh, I like positive thinking seminars.

13 days :)

My fiance just left. I'm so in love. so excited to start a life with him. It's a great feeling, this feeling. So much is changing. Letting go of the wedding stress. ... sort of.

I am so happy.

I spoke in church today. I'm so glad he was there with me. I'm so glad he will always be there. No more of this long distance stuff.  Or this single stuff. As my dear friends father told me: "Your days as a single lady are numbered."  he's right.

13 days!

Cookies, anyone?

My neighbors, family, and friends are the greatest! This was a tradition from when I lived in Ohio, during my mission, and I am hoping to have a grand ol' cookie table at my wedding reception! If anyone would like to help makes some cookies, please do! :)

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/16/dining/16cookies.html?pagewanted=all&_r=5&

i didn't know

I'm not sure why I didn't comprehend how overwhelming it was to plan a wedding. The amount of emotions--and the new mix of them--even more overwhelming. Life is changing quickly, with just a little over a month to prepare ... overwhelming. I wouldn't be honest if I didn't say I've had a few tears ... and maybe just a few more. I also can say this has been the most exciting time of my life, and stressful ... but definitely the most amazing.

I have a fiance in California. He's been helping me so much from where he can, and I am grateful, but my goodness, it's such a process. I've been humbled, and grateful.
 I have stopped blogging,  because I don't have the time, but also because I don't know how to write in an eloquent way what I am feeling.  (If I have time to watch the Bachelor, I must have time to blog, so it's likely a lot of the latter.)

Lastly, the reason, and only reason, this wedding is going to come together (And be a success!) is because of people I love, and hearts, and talents, and the brilliance of so many. My last cry (last night) had to do with all of these people--my friends and family, and neighbors. I was writing my dad, and I was telling him all about my stress ... and then I started sharing with him all about the successes ... and every success had to do with someone else's talent, and resources, and love. And I cried, and I am crying again. (is this normal? Please someone tell me it is!) Wait, I can tell myself that it is. It is normal. And I am just grateful; so grateful for so many.

I called Andrea yesterday morning, and she could hear my voice trembling, and she rushed over with Corrine, and they and met me at my dress fitting. My neighbors are making cookies. My church family is calling me and asking what they can do.  My sister-in-law is making a cake ... an "opulent" cake (at my request). ... I suggested a little bit Kim Kardashian and a little bit Kate Middleton--the perfect synthetic blend. :) Hey, a girl can dream. My cute sister-in-law/best friend since 7th grade who shops at REI and only eats organic, is totally in and even willing to make the cake sparkle. (sorta like Tierra, before AshLee took it away and she went crae-crae).  Jenava is coming in from San Francisco over a week early, and she and Kate are doing the flowers. Annie is taking over table duty. Friends are designing my invitation. Morgan walked through the venue with me, giving her wedding planning expertise for free. People are calling and checking up on me. Taryn is helping with an elegant entrance, took me to the L.A. garment district, ... and found me my dream wedding shoes. (no, they're not pink. They're better. And I gave up on the Korean stockings, fyi).  Emily got me my wedding earrings, and she made me pasta tonight, and dinner last night. Hailey, Carrie and Molly are being their creative willing selves. Aunts and uncles are jumping in. Family has been incredible. Brian's family has just been wonderful! They're going to be my family soon!! :)  Jill and Mel are offering their wedding decor. B.W. and Christina are helping me with my skin. Ruthanne--her linens. Dana, Ally, and others are throwing showers. My sister is trying to fly in, not just for my wedding, but now also my showers.   Brian has been there every step of the way, as much as he can be.  ... There are so many more people involved that I haven't mentioned.

And I'm trying to sort through my thoughts and put this into perspective, and I think it is this: I just didn't know. And maybe it's simply because I've never been a bride, and I've been trying to convince myself that weddings were silly and extravagant, when in reality, we all know I've been dreaming about mine since I was 3-years-old. (heck, I even write articles on how people should style their weddings) ... Perhaps I'd become cynical with age,  or figured if I couldn't have my dream wedding, why even dream? Or protecting my feelings, because if it is such an important event, then I must acknowledge how sad I am that my dad won't be able to be there, as I always dreamed he would be. But that is something I do have to mourn, because I do know how special this day is. It is an event to be celebrated at the greatest degree, with hard work and love poured into the celebration.  And so many care.  The idea that I originally had to elope was silly for the two of us, because there are so many we want to celebrate with, and I want to plan this! I want to plan a dream wedding, for me and and for him, and remember this day forever. To find out that so many other people also understand the significance of this day, and then in addition, want to make OUR day as special as they can for us, has just surprised me in the most incredible way. And I just didn't know it would be like this, and that so many would be a part of this process. I am so grateful.

The planning has been so fun! I have cried at the stress, but ... it is so fun! It has been an adventure. It has been a creative process that never stops. I have become D.I.'s best friend, and I can't believe the treasures I have found! I even found my veil there. It is BEAUTIFUL!  It has been so fun to see how creative I can be to keep the budget down, but to still envision the Kim/Kate blend. My mom shakes her head, and tells me to stop thinking opulent and royal, but that just makes me more determined. (I heart reverse psych 101).   I am having a blast proving I can pull this off with so many on my side. ... So many emotions. I am in love with my best friend.  I am starting a new chapter. I will be moving. I will be with my best friend. I am so excited. I am so overwhelmed. I am so happy. I am so grateful. I am so stressed. I am having so much fun. I am lonely, missing him, but I feel so much love. These will be months I will remember forever, and in the most wonderful of ways.

That is all.
Maybe there will be a few more blogs before the big day. No promises. :) love is exciting.

Kim and Kate, you just watch! :) ... Ah, D.I. you have so many treasures!  (just this week)

 I'm taking a couple days off. (forcing myself).  Lake Hebgen, here I come! (thanks to Calvin).

shoulda known.

this is hanging out in my bedroom. Has been for the past week.  I shoulda known.
I just got back from Korea. Oh! it was amazing! I followed my little sister around like a puppy. She speaks Korean. I don't.  She's been living there for a couple months. I was visiting for a week. I was the blond American who foolishly only brought enough cash for her trip to purchase a phone charger in Tokyo during my layover that broke just before landing in Seoul, and had to borrow money from the lil sis.

I flew on a buddy pass --standy-by-- thanks to Leann. And I was feeling pretty fabulous keeping my vacation spending to a minimum during days of sisterly shopping. Take note: I didn't buy a single article of clothing!  except for .... drum roll ... some stockings.

 From a store called "Sexy Cookie." (shoulda known).

I thought to myself while giving the Sexy Cookie merchant my credit card, these will be great for my wedding day! Just think ... with some little pink shoes (little pink shoes I don't even own ) these will be perfect!

And, of course, when Ms. Sexy Cookie tells me that they're "one size fits all" I, being a blond American, standing next to my Korean sister who is half my size,  believe her. (Ms. Sexy Cookie is also half my size).  I actually think to myself that Korean One-size-fits-all thigh-high's, will fit a blond Americans thigh.

Ha! Good one.

Blood circulation is an important thing on the day of your wedding.

Luckily, Americans have food storage. We have pearlized mashed potatoes that come in large silver tins (about the size of my thigh ... ish) And I still have high hopes that these could maybe, possibly, fit me in a couple of months if I let it keep sitting on these tins full of deydrated mash.

If they don't, The blond American has a secret, thanks to Victoria. And they're not all one size fits all.
Then, perhaps,  I can find these little pink shoes that don't exist.

sisters. Ella and Lauren. Seoul.

the story ...

and here I am. ready to share ... so much. it's amazing what can happen in just 50-something days.

Brian proposed to me. And I said yes. If it caught you by surprise, you're not the only one. We weren't dating when he decided to fly in from France and ask the question.

But Brian had just arrived in Paris, the City of Love, when he realized he was having a harder time than usual getting a hold of me.

Because, you see, despite not dating, we were always in touch somehow ...even if it was just a few texts here or there, but for three years, no matter how we tried, we could never stop talking. I would try to date, but it never worked very well. He'd fly in to see me.  We'd stop talking for week, and then we'd talk every day for two. 

and so in Paris, as I was unavailable to instant message, he got more persistent. and one evening, we finally sat down a couple days before Thanksgiving to share our cyber worlds with each other--from France to Utah, via g-chat.

That's when my phone rang. It was Brian, calling from his friends Paris apartment. He said he was coming home to propose.

I told him I'd believe it when I saw it.  We hung up.

A half hour later he called again. He told me he'd just talked to Delta, and had a plane ticket to fly into Salt Lake the very next day (Thanksgiving).

"Do you believe me now?"

"I'll believe it when I see it."

On Friday, he picked me up and took me to a quick dinner. He told me he had bigger plans on Saturday, and that he wanted me to be well rested, since I'd been working so hard, so he took me home right after our shared soup. He asked if he could pick me up at 7 the following night.

"of course."

Because of some breaking news in Payson, Utah that I was reporting on that evening, I barely made it home in time. At 7:05, when I arrived at my house, a limo was outside.

Inside my house was a nice limo driver named Mike who told me he was there to pick me up.

I had no idea where Mike was taking me, but we ended up in Sugarhouse, parking in front of the house Brian and I had met three and a half years earlier--during a friends birthday party. Mike told me to go and knock.

Brian opened the door ...

... Back out in the Limo again, he let me chow down on a sandwich, as he knew I hadn't eaten all day. We neared downtown, and q few more bites later, he was blindfolding me.

I didn't know where we were, but the elevator kept taking us up, and up, ...and up. I lost count of the floors that beeped as we passed each one.  He lead me out of the elevator and took my blindfold off, and I saw this.

We went down the stairs and sat down ... and then two ladies came out in aprons.
... It was my sister Ella, and my sister-in-law Bethany.

Ella was carrying hot chocolate and coasters (French coasters, nonetheless), and Bethany turned on some music ... a la Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong. And then they left.

A few moments later ... Brian's brother appeared.

and then his other brother, with more roses!

Then all four of my brothers walked out!

After a beautiful serenade, Brian told me he had talked to my dad, in person, earlier that day.
 Brian had visited him. This brought tears to my eyes. He had asked my dad if he could marry me.  And my dad gave him his blessing.

some things are best left private. The photos of the actual proposal ... I won't be sharing on my blog. But it was beautiful! The ring is beautiful! (I learned he had taken my sister with him to pick it out the day before)

... And I said yes!

but that's not all ...

 

Jamey came back out with another gift ... something Brian had picked up for me in France, the day he decided he was coming home to propose.

and then our song came on ... and we danced.

when we walked outside, our siblings were all there with noise makers.

everyone jumped back in the limo, we turned on some hip hop, and drove to Gourmandies Bakery. The rest of our families were waiting inside --and I got to hug my mom. ...Wish my dad could have been there, but so happy Brian was able to have visited him.

i love this man!
We have a pretty good love story.
Thank you Brian for making me so happy!